the new romance

a lot of the time all of my wonders and curiosities start to mend together and confuse themselves into some sort of inseparable force. as if all of the individually distinct things in my mind are merely petty as they combine and turn into one or two theories. theories on life, love, people, the world. just when i think i can cope, i find myself beginning to worry about or dwell on something totally offbeat, new or rehabilitated. i am always curious of my actions and thoughts. am i doing this right? will i achieve ultimate happiness; who can i benefit? who or what to love? all that is honest, true, or certain to me is that this game, this puzzle, this journey called life is undeniably brief. through my years, i've taught myself to be sentimental. because if life is as fleeting as i fancy it to be, how memorable can any moment remain without sentiment?

whatever else there is after all of these years is unbeknownst to me....and yes,there is some kind of romance in that. it's beautifully intriguing, yet drives me to tears. do you remember the piece in Paris, Je T'aime directed by Alexander Payne? the 14th arrondissement? the part where carol sits in the park and cries....at first viewing i thought she was crying because she was depressed. but, as she conitnued to cry, i began to giggle. because i figured to be her at that very moment would be ideal. and to find myself as her character did in Paris, would be my utmost goal in life.

"Then, something happened. Something difficult to describe. Sitting there, alone in a foreign country, far from my job and everyone I know, a feeling came over me. It was like remembering something I'd never known before or had always been waiting for, but I didn't know what. Maybe it was something I'd forgotten, or something I've been missing all my life. All I can say is that I felt, at the same time, joy and sadness. But not too much sadness because I felt alive. Yes, alive. [Oui, vivant] That was the moment I fell in love with Paris.And I felt Paris fall in love with me. " - Carol
watch the clip here

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